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Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
This post is just for you.
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.