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Whatever I did to make you hate me, I’d like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.