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you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave