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My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
When in doubt, procrastinate.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.