Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ...I sent it anyways.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.