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When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.