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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
The awkward moment when you look both ways down a one way street.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!