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Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.