Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
I didn’t scream out someone else’s name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant…
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
There`s a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.
I`ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.