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I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.