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You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
never tell a lie...unless it is true
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."