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Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your house. Those bastads live forever.
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you`ve ever made
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.