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Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
I’m just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
I was born at a very early age.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?
Shouldn`t old people drive faster than everyone else since they have less time left to waste?