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If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
Do you ever bring your pet up to a mirror and you`re just like, "That is you."
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
Do you really have to breath that much?
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.