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I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.