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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.
I play hard to get along with.