Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.