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Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin