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People will do odd things to get even.
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.