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Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
Girls just wanna have funds.
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.