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My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.