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Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
Does running out of money count as exercise?
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!