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Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
Apparently Home Depot`s slogan of "You can do it; We can help" doesn`t apply to masturbation.
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.