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I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
Relationships are like yard sales. They look good from a distance, but once you get there it`s just a bunch of sh!t you don`t really need.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?