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To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.