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I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
i feel naked without my mobile !
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.