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Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.