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I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.