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Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
Anything is legal when there`s no police around
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.