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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
A lot of people are very competitive when playing stupid.
I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
Long story short, I love summaries.
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
More people should be at a loss for words.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!