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My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
Seems like we would be just fine with about half as many types of pasta
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
If I can`t convince you, I will sure as hell confuse you.
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.