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My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I’d go to hell for.
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.