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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.
Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I`d rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.