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Never, ever ask a woman if she`s pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.