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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!