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It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
No pants are the best pants.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work