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Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
I don`t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There`s never any left when he comes home.
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
Theirye’re, problem solved.
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, can burn your a$$ tomorrow.
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
there is no strong beer, only weak men
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”