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Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...