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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.
funny status idea: a funny and popular one