Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
Valentines day
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
I hav 10 fingers bt i usd only.. the thumb to write this...!
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.