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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
Never trust a skinny chef
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
Iām not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?