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I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.