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I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
I don`t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we`re both pointing at the same tornado.
Beauty is only a light switch away...
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
I just read that ciggarettes cause rectal cancer, I should me fine, I was going to put them in my mouth anyway..
You know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.