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I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
I’m going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?