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Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.