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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.