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Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn`t."
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
is spending my children´s inheritance.
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
It must suck when billionaires wake up feeling like a million bucks.
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.