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It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.