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If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
I bet my road rage will be taken seriously once I get a car.
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.