Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands