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I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.
I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It`s people I don`t trust.