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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
How`d this get posted?