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My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
I give myself the best presents.
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.