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Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
I can’t find the words to express how I have nothing to say
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....