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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she’s a b!tch
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook