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As I said before, I never repeat myself.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`
I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.