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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.