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That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.