Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.