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It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?