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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I`m an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It`s because I`m poor.
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.