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Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”