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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
An empty fridge is a sad fridge.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.