Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.