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I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
I laid awake all night again worrying about why Iām always so tired.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Iām amazing in bed. I have the ability to stay there all day.
Holiday Tip #236: When hosting a covered dish holiday dinner where everyone brings something, never put a skinny person in charge of desserts.
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.