Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Money can buy imitation happiness. Iām cool with that.
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
Hello is this HP? Iād like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
God is creative... I mean look at me??
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.