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You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
Hey Lady!, I just deposited $43 dollars in THIS bank.. DON`T FROWN AT ME WHEN I TAKE 3 SUCKERS!
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.