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School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
I had your cake and ate it too.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...