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i am not so think, as you drunk i am
I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.
In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don`t know how you eat that sh!t".
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.