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ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
My wife has spent all day arguing that she isn`t stubborn...
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted