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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea!
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
never tell a lie...unless it is true
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
It is impossible to simultaneously keep up a) hope and b) with the Kardashians.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.