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There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
:): The Bipolar smiley face
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list
The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.