Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don’t try and out clever me with your comment. I don’t come over and blow out your candles on your cake.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.